25 November 2002 - dating tips

The frustrating thing about satire is that the people who need it the most don’t get it, and it’s the same with relationships. If you have trouble talking, make your date a success with these simple tips.

1. Be erudite. Refer to previously-unknown mythology. “Oh daughter of the morning dew, your eyes glow brighter than the sapphires of Queen Aspergeia’s girdle.”

2. Blame any confusion on your exotic upbringing. “I’m sorry that I misunderstood. On my home space station, ‘pick up the check’ refers to safety precautions.”