26 September 2004 - paranoid personality disorder

The American Psychiatric Association, staying on top of national mental health trends and noting that it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you, is preparing a new official definition of paranoid personality disorder. It would be crazy, they believe, to conclude that the government is insane; it is safest to turn the definition on its head.

Paranoid personality disorder is indicated by four or more of the following:

1. Imagines that others are not harming or deceiving him or her, even when they have foreign-sounding names.
2. Lacks normal doubt of the loyalty of friends and allies.
3. Tends to release information to the general public.
4. Overlooks insults or political differences or needlessly drops grudges.
5. Is slow or negligent in imagining attacks or in counterattacking randomly-selected enemies.